by Carrie Riley, Hive Facilitator
Carrie Riley is a Grief Recovery Specialist and Self Care Coach. As part of our Autumn theme, Gratitude, she writes on the integral connection between gratitude and grief.
The Autumn season brings forth two opposing feelings. On one hand, we are called to be thankful and to show gratitude. The Thanksgiving holiday and all its symbols remind us of our blessings and bounty; we are encouraged to focus on all we have.
And yet, autumn also reminds us of all that we've lost. We are greeted by holidays and rituals from around the world that focus on death and dying. We're reminded to let go of that which no longer serves us, just as the trees are letting go of their leaves.
Autumn is a season that invites us to sit with both grief and gratitude.
While seemingly at odds, grief and gratitude are actually complimentary. Each informs and amplifies the other. We can only truly grieve that which we are thankful to have had. Witnessing grief, whether our own or another's, helps us find gratitude for all that makes up our lives. Grief and gratitude are not opposites, but companions.
If you find yourself supporting a griever through this difficult season, it could be easy to rely on gratitude to ease their pain. You might find yourself reminding them of all they have to be thankful for. Instead of pushing toward gratitude too quickly, I invite you to sit with them in witness to their grief.
Can you, instead, notice that grieving can be an expression of gratitude for what once was? Can you notice and move through uncomfortability, and allow yourself to soften in the company of a griever to allow grief to do its work?
While gratitude can coexist with grief, it is not a salve for pain. If you, yourself, are grieving I invite you to let go of the advice to be grateful and, instead, just be. Allow whatever feelings coming to you at this time to come. Observe them without judgment. And know that if gratitude is among those feelings- and it might be- that you can appreciate all you had while still wishing things were different, better or more. In this season of both grief and gratitude, you can feel both.