by Christine Wilson, Hive Facilitator
Paintings by Christine Wilson
I’m putting my finger down on a thing I’m calling Out of the Loop Syndrome, OLS.
Calling it a syndrome brings to mind the villain from The Incredibles, aptly named Syndrome. Syndrome is the perfect image for Out of the Loop Syndrome. Syndrome is a blow hard who is mad that he’s not special like the superheroes. and he whines (then gets mad) about being outside the superhero circle.
Out of the Loop Syndrome has been working overtime to whisper just that kind of soft soap in all our ears in the middle of this stay-at-home order.
OLS is a blowhard.
OLS nags.
OLS feels sure that it’s been rejected, left-out, and fears that everyone else is somehow connecting, but them.
OLS (Out of the Loop Syndrome) is the half-brother of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). FOMO is hyper-vigilant at trying to figure out what’s going on so that it doesn’t miss anything. OLS feels like the thing already happened, and OLS wasn’t invited. You know, that haunting feeling that everyone else knows what is going on, but you. In fact, another person could have named this But You Syndrome, because indeed, you can spot it by the but.
At my house 7 of us are quarantining together, me, my spouse, 2 high-schoolers, and 3 college-goers-sent-home (+ Gracie, the dog). Some paranoia and insecurities I’ve never seen here has shown up. Then it happened to me with the Lead Team at the Hive. In our weekly meeting, I sensed that everyone else knew what was going on, but me. Like there was a meeting I had missed, and I was out of the loop. I realized later that everyone was having the same confusion, not just me. I had lept to this place without grounds to do so.
That’s when I started to see that folks were feeling this disconnect all over the place. One person anonymously wrote on their class feedback, “Just seeing everyone's face every week is balm for the nerves and loneliness. I do feel it's harder to share...Maybe the "disconnectedness" just makes it that way...I can't "feel” people's energy and that's disconcerting...It's a good thermometer for where I need to do inner work.”
This “disconnectedness” jumped off the page at me. I wanted to say, “Yes, I get it! You feel out of the loop!” You can call it disconnectedness if you like, it’s a grown-up word, but I feel like a kid. A kid whose parents are talking in the other room about something important they are not telling me. Anonymous-feedback-person, I love that you call this disconcerting, it is. And I extra love that you see this as an opportunity to do inner work. You’re my hero. And you are right.
Since naming is sometimes half the battle as any of our Mapping Tool classes will tell you, I want to name it. If you are feeling Out of the Loop, you are not alone. In fact, the feeling of disconnectedness is one thing we can all agree connects us.
If I had it to do over again, I would have brought this feeling up with my team immediately. But I did bring it up the next meeting, and it was helpful.
There is no loop.
None of us have figured out how to even form a loop, yet.
Everyone is as confused, disconnected, and insecure as you are. Even the folks who are better at faking it. Take a deep breath, presume goodwill, and remind yourself and everyone you come in contact with (metaphorically as you are at least 6 feet apart) that we’re all in this together.
Christine Wilson is the Member Connections Director at the Hive. She facilitates classes at the Hive as well as Women Writing for a Change. Christine is a poet/writer/editor, artist, and former pastor who lives in Northside which suits her just fine.